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Why did my name change? What? Has my account been compromised?

The Flat Earth Society, Anti-Vaxxers, and the like were all a ruse to distract us from the real enemy: those who put salt on their food.

I think there is one somewhere in my kitchen, but I've never used it. Next person is an espresso machine.

It is said that the universe hates a vacuum, and I think we've just found our SaM replacement. It may be too early to be sure, though.

I'm prevented from it by a little thing known as "standards". Next person is not me.

It appears someone has made physical contact with the bowl of Italian noodles I had intended to consume by myself.

It appears my cover has been blown. Next person's stone-cold, dead heart thaws out a little bit upon the realization that even when the game is laid to rest and the server is discontinued, we will still be here, thinking up increasingly strange predictions for one another.

False. Next person is.

False. Next person is aware of the existence of a Minecraft server known as "Happy Hunger Games".

True, if I remember correctly. (It has been a long time.) Next person is in denial about their crush on Stephen Fry.

False. (Assuming you're referring to age.) Next person will quote this post at the beginning of theirs.

False. Next person is HowToBasic.

False. I noticed it when it happened. Next person has, at some point, eaten something they shouldn't have.

False. Next person is a sentient, biological lifeform.

I can confirm that, unfortunately, these are real. You have my deepest sympathy.